


Somewhere I Belong

by valxyria



Category: Life Is Strange (Video Game)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, Death, Depression, Dreams and Nightmares, Drug Use, F/F, F/M, Five Years Later, Fluff and Angst, Ghosts, Heaven, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Limbo, Multiple Endings, Original Character Death(s), References to Drugs, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Sad Ending, Some Fluff, Supernatural Elements, Video Game
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-02
Updated: 2017-04-28
Packaged: 2018-09-21 13:29:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9551078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valxyria/pseuds/valxyria
Summary: (AU)For five years Max has followed her classmates around; invisible and ignored. Will everything change when Victoria, Nathan and Warren come back to Arcadia Bay for a trip? Or will Max still be stuck in a standstill? Or will she be able to move forward?





	1. Lost In The Echo

**Author's Note:**

> all the chapters names are song titles (lost in the echo ; linkin park)  
> //  
> songs I listened to when writing this ;  
> \- something in the way by nirvana  
> \- radioactive by boyce avenue (cover)  
> \- you are a memory by message to bears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Introductory Chapter ;  
> Max reflects on things.

At first everything hurt and she couldn't bear it. But as time moved on for everybody else, she stood still and suffered through the pain of loneliness, depression, and worst of all her own thoughts.

When she first realized what happened to her, all of her memories were jumbled and scattered, throughout time and space. In a different world, she was called the lady of space and time, but now she's lost trying to pick up the pieces of her scattered psych. She misses being in that world, everything wasn't all right there but she could be with the people she loved and most of all not being alone.

But that's not here and now, where in that world nothing was real, it was all fake, something she made up in her head so she didn't have to suffer from being lonely and bored. Here and now is what matters, but how can she matter to a world who has all but forgotten her? She can't be all mad, people are suppose to move on.

That's the fifth and final step on grieving for somebody, she read that in a book that somebody gave to Warren. _People who lose somebody are suppose to go through that, not the victim._ She thinks. _Even if you aren't murdered, you're still the victim of the grim reaper._

 _I went through all of those stages. Well not of them. First off was denial._ She didn't know where she was, or what was happening to her, she all but thought it was a prank. She still doesn't know the full details of what happened to her. Sometimes she wants to jump back in to her mess of memories, but other days she's scared of what she will find.

Then when she gets to the point where she can't decide, she gets mad at the anything, everything, and everybody, but most of all, him. She doesn't like to think of him that much, even though she can't be physically harmed, she can still be mentally harmed.

Some days it's hard just to stay in this world and not go over into the in-between. The in-between as she calls it, is a place where she isn't quite on earth but still not in heaven. It's a place of utter ordinance, nothing colorful, nothing dark, its the perfect metaphor of shades of grey. Nothing is black and white there.

When she first accidentally went to the in-between, she was scared and in awe, and how everything that people say after death is wrong. It reminded her of the Asphodel Meadows from Greek Mythology. It is said that people who don't wish to be judged, and haven't done any bad or good things in their life, will go there and be there, forever at a standstill.

After spending days or weeks or even years in the in-between, she begged whoever was listening to save her.  _Why is this happening to me? I've never done anything wrong in my life._ That was one of first things she screamed in the in-between. Others where somewhere along the line of _I'm only eighteen, I haven't started my life._

But of course nobody came and saved her. She still begged and begged for somebody, anybody to save her, when it was apparent nobody was coming, she just wanted somebody to talk to, but at last nobody came.

The fourth stage of grief is the one where people struggle with it the most, and she isn't any different. She doesn't know if she will overcome it. How can she, when all the people in her life have forgot about her and moved on? There is almost eight billion people in the world, and she can't talk to anyone of them. _Is this what happens to everybody? Or is this just me? What did I do to deserve this type of punishment?_

That's a is question she doesn't know if she will be able to answer. She jumps back and fourth through the stages, one is never just constant, they are intertwined, jumbled and messy. She wants to be able to move on like everybody else, but things for everybody else move, and for her everything is inconstant and nonmoving.

She hates it. She hates the people who say things will get better. For her the worse possible things that people can happen, have happened to her. Some things have happened and been done and gone, and others she has to relive them forever. She wouldn't be lying if she didn't try to end it all, it didn't work. She just ended up in the in-between. She hates going there, but sometime it's unavoidable.

The fifth and final stage of grief is acceptance. In some ways she has accepted what happened to her, but she can't ever move on and live normally. In the book she read, people never get over with grief, they only learn how to live with it, and that's what she is doing. Living and struggling just to be alright.

She can't live out her dreams, and that is what hurts the most. For everybody else, they can do whatever they want, for her she is stuck. She envies those people who live a fantastic life, for all the others who waste it doing stupid, reckless, things, she hates them.

 _They can waste their lives, when I'm stuck watching you do it. People like Victoria live out their dream, and people like Nathan waste it._ She knows that it's their life and they have free will, but if given the chance she would trade places with them.

She isn't content with just watching everybody else lives. She doesn't know if she will ever find acceptance. She still has hope that things will get better and she can find acceptance. That's the one thing that makes her stop from fading into utter chaos.  


	2. Doubt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Introductory Chapter ;  
> Victoria

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title ; doubt by tøp  
> //  
> songs I listened to writing this ;  
> \- the sense of me by mud flow

"Always be the best person you can be. Be kind even when you're tired. Be understanding even when you're angry." Her father always taught her. She failed at that life lesson, it's not like she didn't try though.

She really did try, even when life got tough, she did try. But sometimes trying isn't good enough. These times especially, trying isn't good enough, you have to be perfect to succeed. That's what her mother always said. She took that to heart.

It was constant fighting, to see who was right and wrong. But in public they acted like the perfect couple, but she knew they were anything but. She asked her father once "Why do you act like everything is fine when it isn't?" Her father just looked at her and sighed.

Back then she didn't understand the words stressed or depressed. Her father just walked away. It wasn't until the next day, her mother came up to her and said "Sometimes life isn't perfect, but people aren't perfect either and they strive toward it and look to others just see a glimpse of it. Be that person who inspires others to be perfect. Don't settle for any less." Her father just looked away and sat there silently.

She never understood why her father didn't just leave at moments like that, though he did eventually leave. But he never seemed to want to be there, not that she can recall. Her young childhood memories fuddled and scattered, every moment she thinks back on all the times she spent with her parents, there expression look forced, and uncomfortable. Back then of course, she never realized.

Not to say her father wasn't a good person, he was the most charitable, helpful person. He wasn't the best dad though. He did try, but it never seemed like he wanted kids. She always asked for a sibling, her parents would laugh and say "Oh Vicki, we already have you. You're perfect."

She would spend most her time with him, but she never really seemed to connect with him. He always seemed forced, everything was forced between the two of them. Things with her mother were way worse than things with her father though. Her mother strived for perfection, every since detail had to be perfect. _Maybe that's why they separated._ She thinks.

Her mother when telling people why their marriage didn't work out would say, "Not divorced, but separated." Like that will change what happened. Their relationship is the biggest imperfection in her mothers life. _If she could change it, she would still be married, even though it would make both of them miserable._ She loves them both, but she will never have a good relationship with any of them.

The one she could really connect to, was her fathers mother. She always brought her cookies, even when her mother said no. They would constantly talk and make jokes. But a year before she started her third year of high school, her grandmother died. It was very hard on her, she cried and cried. She didn't want to get up out of bed or do anything. Her mother just gave her disproving stares and eventually had to lecture her.

Her father wasn't even there. He was off somewhere in Europe. "He's probably whoring around with young white girls." Her mother said one time, when she asked why he wasn't coming to the funeral. But she knew, her father didn't swing that way.

She caught him and a other man together once. He just gave her a sad smile and said "This is our little secret okay?" Of course she didn't tell her mother, but her mother wouldn't of cared anyway. She was just so excited to have a little moment with her father, a connection of some sort. Any little thing her father and her did, she hoped would blossom into a more better relationship.

Those days of hope and childlike innocence, were gone. That didn't mean it still didn't impact or hurt her today. She still strives for perfection, and to be noticed. She doesn't want to be basic and unnoticed. She wants to have her own style and identity.

If her life was a play or book, she would have the title or character of the meanest girl. Her grandmother always said "Treat others how you want to be treated." She also failed that lesson. She tried, but one of things she learned is that life isn't fair nor good. And people who are the nicest or best, don't get it any easier than the people who are the opposite.

So she ended up projecting her feelings of worthlessness and fear of not being good enough, on to other people. People who have their own problems, and don't deserve it. She treated people like shit, and she knew it hurt them. She wasn't twisted enough not to realize what she was doing was wrong. She knew. But she didn't do anything to stop herself from hurting other people.

 _People like Kate and Max._ She quickly throws that thought out her mind. She doesn't like thinking of Max, it makes her sad and guilty. She still talks to Kate, but not enough. She is very busy with college and working at her internship.

 _I barley have time to sit down on this break. Which reminds me, it ends in five minutes._ She mentally sighs, and gathers her purse and phone. She looks down at her iPhone, and it reads ; **_Two new messages from Nate._**

She smiles, some days when she is so stressed, Nathan is the only person who makes her smile and laugh. He is her constant in her messed up life. Her own father, left and gone somewhere in Europe.

Her mother up in New York, talking to rich old guys, and even her own grandmother left her. She types her password in, and checks the messages. She reads them and walks off leaving her trail of thoughts behind.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if this sucks, I'm writing this very late and I'm really tired, hopefully I can do another chapter before sunday


	3. Dark Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Max & Nathan chapter, they don't meet but they reflect. One more introductory chapter and the story actually begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title ; dark days by local natives  
> //  
> songs I listened to writing this ;  
> \- cannonball by skylar grey feat. x ambassadors  
> \- love by lana del rey

* * *

 

~~_(Max)_ ~~

She has always had an irrational fear of big spaces of water ever since she was little. Pools, and bathtubs are fine, but lakes and oceans frighten her. Correction, frightened her.

She realizes now a lot of the things she feared in life doesn't really matter now. How she hated public speaking, or talking to people on the phone, and even meeting new people.

They're all so trivial now, if given the chance she would do all those things just to experience life again.

When times were tough she thought about ending it all, how things could and would be so stressful and she could finally be at peace. But she is glad she didn't, and got to experience life more.

She still can't get over the fact that she is dead, but sometimes she forgets that's she stuck in a never ending loop. When she starts in the morning, she still expects to start a whole new day.

 _I miss waking up in the morning._ When she was alive she hated mornings, she wanted to never wake up. But being dead gives her a new perspective on things. _I wish I took Martin's advice in living in the moment._

She doesn't know if she really lived in the moment, its one of those things if you experience it, you will know. _At least I get to see Victoria and Nathan living in the moment._

She doesn't know why she got stuck following them around, two of the people who made her feel like shit at Blackwall. But following them around for so long gives her insight into their personal lives.

 _When I was alive a lot of people called me nosy, if they seen me now I'd be called a full on stalker._ She doesn't want to snoop, but she can't help it, she has nothing else to do.

One thing she quickly learned about them is that Victoria has serious self esteem issues. _And I though I had it bad._ She wants to help Victoria, but all she can do is sit back and watch her suffer.

It hurts her, even though she and her were never friends in life. Sometimes she wishes she could fix all of Victoria's problems, but she can't. She is invisible and dead.

Even though she is dead and Victoria is alive, and living her life. She still catches glimpses of Victoria struggling with keeping her cool, trying to be perfect. Max knew even when she was alive, she wasn't perfect and would never be perfect.

She still had anxiety of people judging her, and making fun of her. Even her pictures, she would worry about them, what people would say about them. In the end she had to let all those worries go and focus on taking pictures.

It was her lifeline when she was alive, even now she still takes them. She has her camera, and her bag. She isn't quite sure how she has her bag and camera, when she doesn't know where her body is. She wants to know but at the same time she doesn't want to dive into those memories.

She catches flashes of her talking and running, they come painfully and not at all suddenly, and they are gone quickly and painfully. Some are grey and dull, some are more colorful than others.

One memory is more painful and unpleasant than all the others. She does not at all attempt to find and remember that memory. Some memories are too painful to remember.

She clings to that sentence, _I literally have all the time in the world to figure that out. I'll figure it out another day, when I'm more focused._ It's a lame excuse, but she ironically lives by it.

* * *

 ( ~~ _Nathan)_~~

He's not always angry, he's sad, happy, fearful and sometimes he is mad. But only when he is pushed to that point. He can't recall a time where he wasn't mad, but he does know he is more than the guy who is always angry.

He wants to get better and live his life. He doesn't have traditional dreams per say, but it would be nice to settle down somewhere in Greece. He likes the Mediterranean, it's unpredictable but also calming. He likes the food, and the people are alright too. They don't know his problems, they don't ask, they aren't nosy. And he likes it like that.

In Arcadia, everybody knows who he is and more importantly who his family is. But he presents like that, but he doesn't want people to know all of his mistakes, and failures, he doesn't want people judging him, but it's human nature for people to judge.

Even in places like Seattle or Los Angeles, people still want to know his business, who he is, and what he plans to do in the future. He smiles, only when his father is watching and says "Oh, you know probably get into business like my father."

It's never dad or pa. It's father in front of him and old man behind him. They laugh and say "Yes, you would be good in business. You are just like your father." He hates when people say that, all he wants to do is grab their faceless,

(most people he interacts with he never remembers their faces, but he does remember their names)

body and scream "I'm nothing like him. I will never be like him. I can't be." But he just smiles and walks away to go drink. And eventually he gets hit with

"Why are you such an embarrassment to the family? To me. Why can't you be normal? Hasn't your mother taught you how to drink responsibly? But knowing her, she is always drunk."

He finishes the sentence, and Nathan doesn't let him start another sentence. He is punching, and punching. His ears are drowning out the background noise, and he continues to punch. It is a never ending loop of being lectured and them ending up getting into a fight.

He wants to get away and never look back, but truthfully he doesn't know how. He knows some people want a better relationship with their family, but he couldn't give a shit about his father. His mother and sister are a different matter. A thought/problem for another day.

He wants to be normal, and live peacefully but the truth is he is scared and doesn't know how to leave and be normal, and just live his life. Right now he is drowning and struggling and he desperately needs a life raft to pick and pull him out. His therapist says one step at a time, but he needs three steps at a time. He needs to be saved. But for now he is drowning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is long overdue, I got really busy with school (lame excuse) I finished two classes and I went on vacation to the mountains and had no service but I did find motivation to keep writing :)


	4. Perfect Illusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is third-person omniscient, which means it's the narrator knows everything. This is the last intro chapter and the real story starts off after this chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title ; perfect illusion by lady gaga  
> //  
> songs I listened to writing this ;  
> none bc I was charging my phone :/ and I like listening to music with earphones

What goes on behind close doors is truly a scary thought.

Anything could be going on unseen by the public. People could be murdered and police wouldn't know, all because of a perfect image of somebody.

Things are usually never what they seem. Too many people have opinions on things they know nothing about. And the more ignorant they are, the more opinions they have.

Life is all about learning from mistakes, to realize that there is a problem and to have the ability to fix it, is one of life's greatest gifts.

But what happens when somebody takes away the ability to fix a mistake?

When they take your life in theirs, and all things that could go wrong, they do go wrong.

And that person is living their life, and your are all but forgotten. Sure some people might remember you fondly and think back on those memories.

Other people might grieve and grieve for you. All they get is silence because a person decided you shouldn't live anymore.

But what happens when people don't look back on good memoires? Or when people don't grieve for you?

They ignore the problem and all they do is think back on memoires that are not so good.

It hurts, but some people can't help you or comfort you.

You can only have hope.

Hope can be anything, its an abstract concept. Its definition is always changing on who the person is.

For her, hope is a person, who doesn't have all the answers. Who is just as lost and hurt as her.

But she has hope, she has to. Justice needs to be served.  People have _died_. People need to learn the truth.

So others don't have to be hurt, so they don't have to see the cruel reality. So they can retain their _innocence._

She once heard a saying that "People get hurt, so others don't have to." Dumb quote. She thought before she was dead and buried. Shitty luck of the draw.

She never realized she would pick the short end of the stick in life. But now more than ever, she knows that quote is half true

She wishes it wasn't. She got hurt, others still got hurt after her. Figuratively, she should be the only one hurt. But she isn't.

Life is full of half truths, and half lies.

Life is cruel, but also very beautiful. One minute, you could be having the time of your life. Everything is working out great, your life is on track.

Another minute, all you see is flashes of white and muffled yelling. Then your gone, not truly gone, but not quite here.

It's not the world that's cruel. It's the people in it.

But one thing she absolutely knows for sure. If she could bet her life on it, _if she still had one._

That life is strange.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> p.s the narrator isn't max (it's rachel)  
> //  
> also I started written this after I wrote the last chapter but I couldn't come up with anything after the first two sentences and I forgot about it and then I remembered and got inspiration, that's pretty much how I write  
> //  
> so who knows when I'll post the next chapter


	5. Nothing Else Matters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title ; nothing else matters by lissie  
> 

She loved the outdoors, she loved exploring. The outdoors were different and peaceful. Max and her would spend hours and hours out there pretending be pirates. They had so many good memories together, some bad but mostly good.

When her dad died and her mother broke down, Max and her family were there for her, even though Max wasn't so sure what was happening or what she was supposed to do.

But the thought counted. But like everybody else, she left. To Seattle with her family. She was furious at her for leaving, her mother tried to explain that it wasn't Max's fault, her parents were moving and she couldn't stay.

Of course she begged her mom to let Max stay with them, but her mother smiled and said "Oh Chloe, Max has her family, and you have yours. You can't hold Max back from her life that she might live."

She didn't quite understand what her mother meant back then, but now she understood the point her mother was trying to make. You can't hold someone back from their life. A great metaphor for life.

She understood growing up that Max didn't have a choice to stay or go, but she did have a choice on whether or not to keep-in-touch with her. That hurt, knowing that your best friend doesn't even want to talk to, or worse that she just completely _forgot_ about you.

Looking back at all those memoires and feelings, it was a waste of time. Time is so precious and to waste it feeling sorry for yourself is dumb. She still wishes she had more time with Max, to be able to create more memories with her, would be the greatest gift of all. She knows Max is gone, and wishing for her to come back is foolish.

She still hopes Max is in Heaven or somewhere good, and is at peace. Sometimes when she can't sleep at night, she wonders if Max is truly okay, and if she blames her for not trying hard enough to find her.

She did try, she really did.  _Did I though? I should of done more, I could of done more._ She wants to keep on looking for her, she wants to know if Max is truly gone or not. If she's still suffering or is she at peace?

Her mom told her that sometimes "It's better to let go, and live your life. Sometimes you have to be selfish, Max would want you to live out your dreams."  _But she doesn't get to live her life, or see her dreams become reality._ Her mother would recommend her some self-care and self-help books in order to get over Max's and Rachel's disappearance. She didn't read them, thought they dumb, and pointless. She was too obsessed with finding them, but over time she realized they were never coming back: alive. She hoped they found peace somewhere. 

But one day she was at the bookstore, Arcadia Bay has a little shitty bookstore, so she drove to the one in Portland. She found a book called  _The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold._

The book was sad but well written. In the story whole family was broken apart by their daughter's death, of course they didn't know she was dead. They tried to find her, but eventually they couldn't and the mother left. Years pass and the family is slowly but surely moving on, and at the end of the book the main character finds peace and in someway the family does too.

She hoped that Rachel and Max would find peace, she does not hope that Max and Rachel would die the same way the main character died. Raped and cut up to pieces, stuffed in a box and thrown in a garbage dump. Those images of them dead, haunt her at night. 

She still can't sleep at night, she wonders around the city or reads books until dawn comes. She eventually suffers for it, when she's in class and she can't pay attention. She drinks a lot of coffee and energy drinks.

Sometimes when the coffee does't work and she's exhausted she imagines Max yelling at her and saying  _That stuff will kill you y'know?_ And she would recommend some organic tea or other bullshit hipster drink. But Max doesn't drink organic tea, and she doesn't yell at her. She's gone. 

* * *

 

Chloe goes to college, she would never in a million years thought she would go to college to become an engineer. Turns out she actually doesn't mind college, it takes her mind off things. Things like obsessing over their disappearance. Or how they died. 

"Miss Price, if your done daydreaming, would you like to hand in your assignment." Asked her Math Professor: Mr. Jackson.

Or Mr. Jackass, as she likes to call him. "Sorry, here you go." She quickly gives her Calculus homework to her seat mate, which in turns, hands it to the Professor.

He frowns,  _Jackass didn't think I could do it, well I did. Fucker._ She's angry, but she manages to keeps calm. She smiles and pretends to pay attention to whatever he was saying before. The class ends before she knows it, and she's walking out the door to go to her job. 

_I'd love to change the world,_

_but I don't know what to do,_

_So I'll leave it up to you,_

_world pollution, there's no solution,_

_Institution, electrocut-_

The music stops, she frowns.  _Great who's calling me? Fuck... Why him? Doesn't he know the meaning of leave me alone?_

She does't know why, but she answers and says "What do you want? I told you I don't need your help!" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooh who called Chloe? Why is she so mad? Some questions will be answered (hopefully) in the next chapter   
> //  
> also if you find any mistakes let me know!! :) feel free to message me if you want to talk! I like talking about books or video games & anything rooster teeth related!!


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